Another Monday night, another episode of Dancing With The Stars, enlivened by the occasional comment from Chief who was very disappointed to learn that Edyta is already gone, but not to spoil anything, his spirits got a lift near the end of the show.
For starters, OMG, yes, the special guest judge was Michael Flatley LORD OF THE DANCE. Cheers! He's the reason Chief and I are together, so it's a very special night, indeed.
First couple up, Cheryl and Mo Green. Yawn. Except what the h-e-l-l was Cheryl wearing? After all the shit-talk about her weight from Louis and Maks (dude, I so don't even love you anymore) this week, she shows up in a lavender chiffon muumuu. She's a size four. Can we get real please?
Second up was my man to win it all, Lance Bass. And he nailed it! Nice job with the choreography Lacey, and for the record, you're not fat either. Eye roll.
Third, the only interesting thing about Susan Lucci is her size XL boobs on that XXS bird-like frame. She is stiff and tentative and awkward. Eeesh. Plus, Chief says her timing was off constantly.
Four: Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. You're a nice lady, but it's Derek and "ME" not "I'. Sigh. Why was Derrek wearing a tank under his shirt? Isn't the traditional rhumba dude all waxed-chest naked? God, the rhumba is the most boring dance ever. Except wait -- Michael Flatley disagrees: "You took my breath away dere." Plus he gave her a 10. Someone has a crush on Brooke, Mr. Michael Flatley.
As always, the whole night is made by the magnificent headdress on the lead singer-lady
Five: Groan time, it's Cloris and Corky. That man is a saint. As painful as it was to watch, it was almost better than Susan Lucci, until that WHAAAAAA!?!! of a lift. Okay, joke's over, time for Cloris to go home. In his best Simon Cowell, Chief sums it up: That was a disaster.
Six: Cody and Julianne, who is wearing quite a dress costume outfit this week. As usual. But sad news that she's stepping out to have her appendix removed to treat her endometriosis. Meanwhile, Chief is thrilled to see Edyta back to take her spot.
Seven: That's a crazy fierce wig on Kim, even though she and Warren don't do a lot of dancing. But no time to dwell on that because its....
SHOTYME choreographing a group hip hop routine. Ouch. Just ouch. Make it stop! Even Bergeron can't make it okay. But secretly? I really liked the mullet on Lance. Chief thought it was like a Bollywood routine, but not in the pretty girls way, more like the no-one-in-unison way.
But wait, someone liked it. Yes, the perpetually upbeat Flatley closed the show with this traditional Irish benediction "Fair play to yous all!"
And that's the show, Good Night!