wishbone clover

Kelly Osbourne, DWTS Breakout Star

Amanda Beard, Natalie Coughlin the (other pretty) Olympic Swimmer (the one not in Playboy), might give Kelly a run for her money, but I'm going to come out early and call it for Kelly Osbourne. She has the fan base, hardcore experience with reality TV, a rehab story, hilarious and appealing (total famewhore) parents and surprisingly fast little feet.

Plus, her partner is Louis van Amstel, Prussian General DanceMeister Supreme, who is clearly sick-to-fucking-death of losing to those Hough children. 

You heard it here: Kelly Osbourne to win Dancing With the Stars Season 9!

Sorry Maks!

I Told You About My Other Other Job, Right?

Thanks to the awesome Jennifer Huber, aka solotravelgirl, for capturing this madness magic on video and posting to YouTube

It's a big joke that I write for a zillion different blogs, but hardly ever here. Lately I've been even more MIA than usual, because business has been booming with my social media agency, Clever Girls Collective.

I told you about that, right?

Together with the brilliant and awesome Stefania Pomponi Butler/CityMama and Sheila Bernus Dowd/Xiaolinmama, we are taking the worlds of Twitter, Facebook, blogging and yes, even YouTube, by storm. Things are moving so quickly that we're still developing our website, designed by the talented Fog City Design.

That said, we already have some highlights to brag about, including getting Carson Kressley to take off his shirt (and put on our client's shirt, RIPT Fusion, the Yummie Tummie for men) in front of dozens of adoring fans at BlogHer '09. Please see the video above for the entire luridly delightful episode. I'm very proud of my performance, including touching Carson's breast.

PS, Carson is as sweet as can be. And he doesn't have man boobs at all, so I don't know what he was talking about in the video. But I still touched him there, because wouldn't you?!

Also, we are hosting a totally fun weekly Project Runway Twitter Party, with prizes. Because the only thing that can make Tim Gunn better is the possibility of winning makeup or jewelry or cute clothes.

You can participate in the party by following @CleverGirlsColl on Twitter. For all the details, including the prizes each week, check out the Clever Girls Collective Facebook page. Become a Fan and get the updates delivered to your wall!

I'm not going to lie and say I'll be here more, but a new season of Dancing With the Stars starts on Monday, and Maks is single now, so ... you do the math.

- Cat/DearBadKitty

Maksim and Karina Split! Told Ya So!

OMG is he wearing a Yummie Tummie shapewear tank?
Could he be trying to send me a message?

Heeeeeey, did you see? Maks and Karina called off the wedding. Something about him thinking that she was too clingy and fucking crazy.

For the record, I called this one back in January. 

I'd like to extend an offer to Maks: honey, if you need talk, or maybe bury yourself in your work, teaching the intricacies of the Latin dance canon to a very motivated beginner, let me know. Compared to Karina, I'm barely nuts at all.

No really. Call me.

At Last, the Perfect DWTS Pair: Maks and Debi Mazar

It's no secret I have a thing for Maks Chmerkovskiy. I have plenty of company -- shoot, he's freaking hot. I got your exhibit A right here:

He could teach any woman a thing or two about hair removal - and yet, still scruffy. Rawr!

Over the years, Chief has developed his own DWTS fan club, which includes Edyta and that little blond girl who's also a country singer. The one with the brother who got dumped by the skanky older chick from American Pie.

Yeah, right, Julianne.

Edyta's endless legs, and the potential that Julianne would repeat her adorable Naughty Nazi costume, were enough to convince Chief to keep me company on the TV watching sofa about half the time. But this season he'll be glued to the screen at my side because of a certain FOM (Friend of Madonna).

Chief has a thing for pale skin, dark hair and blue eyes, and Maks' partner this season, Debi Mazar, is a classic example of this look.

 

Debi's a pistol, and I'm quite pleased with the prospect of our side-by-side oogling. Her makeup always kicks ass, too.

No, it's not going out and doing ballroom dancing ourselves, but it's a damn sight more exciting than playing bridge or watching sports!

Ballas Hough Band - CD Review

You all know how much I adore Dancing With the Stars, so it makes sense that I would leap at the chance to review the new CD by Ballas Hough. That's the band formed by DWTS champs and professional cuties, Mark Ballas and Derek Hough. 

The boys, who grew up together, have always loved music as much as dancing. They finally made an album, filled with songs they wrote themselves, plus one from hit maker -- and my new favorite American Idol judge -- Kara DioGuardi. They even play instruments!

So of course you want to know how it sounds, right?

Pause.

Pause.

Ummmmm...

Pretty much exactly like what you imagine. I mean, look at them. Derek's band bio should read "guitar, vocals and lead flat iron."

It's cute. It's fun. They sing pop hits. There was even this one song, Birthday, that sort of rocked out.

In the immortal words of Paul Stanley, KISS Guitar and Makeup God -- and artist: "It's just good, fun music. If you're looking for something deeper, you're looking too hard."

Sure, Paul Stanley was talking about ABBA on Behind the Music, but you get the idea.

If you like the Jonas Brothers and Miley and all that music "the kids" play, you'll enjoy Ballas Hough -- check it out. 

Dancing with the Stars + the Bachelor = Reality TV Nirvana

Like everyone else in the world, I'm disgusted by Jason Mesnick, Former Bachelor and Perfectly Formed Little Man.

I thought he was a crybaby loser when DeAnna Pappas dumped him, and realized he was an even bigger asshole when he turned around and dumped Melissa Rycroft, a.k.a. the second woman he planned to marry on T.V. 

(Yes, that's right, second. He had a ring all picked out for DeAnna, remember? Now he's on #3. Keep up!)

He didn't even have the class to do it off camera, or give her a heads up. Because he didn't want to break a contract. Such. A. Wuss.

But none of that matters now. He's yesterday's news, because tonight we get a new season of Dancing with the Stars, in all of its orange spray tan, glitter and sequin glory. At last!

And earlier today, DWTS transcended T.V. metareality when they announced that Melissa is joining their show!

Harold Van Buuren - the Only Superstar of Dance on the Show

I tuned into Superstars of Dance to watch LordoftheDance^sm Michael Flatley and his "brogue" -- you know he was born in Chicago, right? --  fawn over the dancers. But I stayed for my new favorite mean judge of all time, Harold Wayne Van Buuren, of South Africa.

Sorry, Simon, there's a new truth teller in town, and he has fierce stenciled-on facial hair.

Maks and Karina are Engaged - Start the Countdown

Oh sure, dancers Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Karina Smirnoff have some fire between them. And I'm sure the sex is ridiculous and acrobatic and the stuff of romance novels. But married? I'm thinking this has six months until combustion.

Maks and Karina are way too tempestuous to last. Just my (expert from watching DWTS obsessively) opinion. Both of them are judgmental and bossy and hot headed. This one will end in tears, and my money is on Maks crying because he can't keep his big mouth shut. And that Karina doesn't take crap from anyone.

But hey, good luck you crazy kids! Marriage is magic, just ask anyone.

The Celtic Tiger brings new heights/depths to Dancing With The Stars

Another Monday night, another episode of Dancing With The Stars, enlivened by the occasional comment from Chief who was very disappointed to learn that Edyta is already gone, but not to spoil anything, his spirits got a lift near the end of the show. 

For starters, OMG, yes, the special guest judge was Michael Flatley LORD OF THE DANCE. Cheers! He's the reason Chief and I are together, so it's a very special night, indeed.

First couple up, Cheryl and Mo Green. Yawn. Except what the h-e-l-l was Cheryl wearing? After all the shit-talk about her weight from Louis and Maks (dude, I so don't even love you anymore) this week, she shows up in a lavender chiffon muumuu. She's a size four. Can we get real please?

Second up was my man to win it all, Lance Bass. And he nailed it! Nice job with the choreography Lacey, and for the record, you're not fat either. Eye roll.

Third, the only interesting thing about Susan Lucci is her size XL boobs on that XXS bird-like frame. She is stiff and tentative and awkward. Eeesh. Plus, Chief says her timing was off constantly.

Four: Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. You're a nice lady, but it's Derek and "ME" not "I'. Sigh. Why was Derrek wearing a tank under his shirt? Isn't the traditional rhumba dude all waxed-chest naked? God, the rhumba is the most boring dance ever. Except wait -- Michael Flatley disagrees: "You took my breath away dere." Plus he gave her a 10. Someone has a crush on Brooke, Mr. Michael Flatley.

As always, the whole night is made by the magnificent headdress on the lead singer-lady

Five: Groan time, it's Cloris and Corky. That man is a saint. As painful as it was to watch, it was almost better than Susan Lucci, until that WHAAAAAA!?!! of a lift. Okay, joke's over, time for Cloris to go home. In his best Simon Cowell, Chief sums it up: That was a disaster.

Six: Cody and Julianne, who is wearing quite a dress costume outfit this week. As usual. But sad news that she's stepping out to have her appendix removed to treat her endometriosis. Meanwhile, Chief is thrilled to see Edyta back to take her spot.

Seven: That's a crazy fierce wig on Kim, even though she and Warren don't do a lot of dancing. But no time to dwell on that because its....

SHOTYME choreographing a group hip hop routine. Ouch. Just ouch. Make it stop! Even Bergeron can't make it okay. But secretly? I really liked the mullet on Lance. Chief thought it was like a Bollywood routine, but not in the pretty girls way, more like the no-one-in-unison way.

But wait, someone liked it. Yes, the perpetually upbeat Flatley closed the show with this traditional Irish benediction "Fair play to yous all!"

And that's the show, Good Night!

The Blue Angels: Patriotic or Idiotic?

Video: Top Gun, A Manly Love Story

It's that time of year again in San Francisco. Warm, sunny days. Gorgeous, azure-blue, cloud-free skies. And the ear-splitting blast of killer planes buzzing office buildings and city homes.

Cripes! We're at war. Gas prices are at an all time high. Every time Iceman and Goose fly by, I imagine them punching yet another hole in the atmosphere, melting the ice caps and killing a polar bear. Is this annual martial display really necessary?

Each year I complain about the waste and environmental toll, and each year Chief strongly disagrees with me, reminding me that it's a) "fucking cool" and b) the biggest recruiting tool in the armed forces' arsenal.

As a marketing professional, I question the efficacy of the acquisition tactic. Does making pets cower and babies on the street cry, while you burn liquid gold and further pollute our skies, the magic ticket to make guys (and gals) want to serve our country?

Don't answer. Let's assume, for the sake of my pinko-greeno-liberal sanity that, "No, it doesn't work."

In that case, I have a recommendation for an alternative approach: a cost-effective, targeted, direct mail campaign!