wishbone clover

10 Reasons Why the Excalibur Was the Worst CES 2011 Hotel

Last week I went to the Consumer Electronics Show with Sheila/@xiaolinmama, one of my Clever Girls Collective business partners. We're great travel buddies, and loved hanging out with so many awesome women tech bloggers. And the show itself was filled with fascinating gadgets, plus we met Bill Walton and Levar Burton.

There was just one slight freaking huge problem: the only hotel room we could get was in the Excalibur Hotel, a.k.a. the biggest shithole on the strip.

I know, you think Circus Circus is bad, and the Luxor is laughable. But I stand by my judgement on the Excalibur and as proof, I offer you these ten "Worst Hotel" points:

10. The room was missing the "do not disturb" sign. And didn't have a room service menu. And the safe was broken.

9. Speaking of room service, it was only available from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m., so no late night dessert parties in the room.

8. There was gum on the lampshade

7. No guard at the guard stand by the elevators. Safety first!

6. No wifi. There was a single, plug-in internet cable, which Sheila and I had to share

5. The heating system had two settings that alternated automatically: blazing hot and frigid. Comfortable! Not!

4. Lame bedding -- just a sheet and a light, light blanket. Which was fine when it was blazing hot in the room, but wretched during the glacial hours of 1-2 a.m., 3-4 a.m. and 5-6 a.m.

3. A shitastic voicemail waiting for us every day, offering 40% off the Criss Angel Mindfreak show. Like anyone wants to see that tool. Now, if they'd been offering a discount on the Thunder From Down Under show (naked Australians! yes!), you'd be reading a very different blog post.

2. Flabby, shirtless bartender in the accurately named bar, Dick's Last Resort, acting out a "cum shot" with a bottle of something fizzy. While singing. To a leering crowd.

1. IS THAT A BLOOD STAIN ON THE TOWEL? AND ON MY PILLOW CASE?!?!

 

Celebrity Irish Superpower Families

Not quite celebrities, but their Irish Superpowers are strong!

As I mentioned earlier, Chief and his brother, The Creative One, took their Irish Superpowers to NYC for a weekend of fun. I explained Irish Superpowers to those who aren't lucky enough to live stumbling-home-from-a-bar distance from Boston, New York, New Orleans or San Francisco.

But sometimes the best way to explain is to give you examples. Celebrity examples!

Identifying Those Who Possess Irish Superpowers

Irish Superpower Brothers travel in family packs, and can be quickly identified by their hair, which is where the majority of their Irish Superpower is stored. Often the eyebrows are also a tell tale sign.

Famous Irish Superpower Brothers include:

The Baldwins:

Pornaments - Sexy Decorations Too Hot For AOL

I write for several AOL Living sites, including the holidaylicious Holidash. Go check out my Season of Schwag -- 25 days of outrageously awesome giveaways.

While you're there, you can also read the post I wrote about Sarah Palin hosting an open house at the Alaskan Governor's Mansion. That one really upset the conservatives. Over 200 comments (and counting) declaring that I am evil, a bad writer and deserving of punishments that I have to believe Jesus would not endorse.

Sadly, you won't see my post about decorating your tree with sexy Pornaments. It was declared too mature for the audience, and had to come down.

Maybe it was too racy for AOL, but it's too funny to leave unpublished. I mean, imagine if Rankin Bass ever did a Christmas Porno: Santa Claus is Cumming...All Over Frosty!

Obviously a snowman getting a blow snow job is NSFW, ditto priapic elves, boobilicious wreaths and doggy-style gingerbread. Enjoy!

What?! I *love* kids!

Aren't my nieces cute? And sweet as pie!

That's my nephew almost out of the picture on the right. He's doing the traditional "oldest child making believe I'm not here by reading the whole time and ignoring you idiots" trick, one of my childhood favorites.

We actually had a great time when Chief and I saw them in Boston, but man alive! What a handful! Further confirmation that I'm auntie-not-mommie material.

Also, my boobs in this picture? Crazy! No wonder Chief likes that dress so much.

I Figured Out Why Matt Gonzalez Is Running For VP With Ralph Nader

Ralph Nader is a Sith Lord and lured Matt to his certain self-destruction with the tempting power of the dark side of The Green. This is exactly as the brilliant George Lucas prophesied in Star Wars III, Revenge of the Sith.

Oh, you want more evidence?

Colin Farrell, Potential Savior

The Oscars were sort of a yawn this year. Thank God for Colin Farrell. And I maybe mean that literally.

When Ryan Seacrest asked Colin what he'd do if he wasn't an actor, it was almost as good as when Marty DiBergi asked Nigel Tufnel the same question.

Colin looked shocked for a minute (Shit! Unscripted question! Must use brain to formulate answer!) then his Irish blarney kicked in and everything was fine. With a look of disarming earnestness he said, "Something with me hands, like a carpenter."

He didn't finish the thought, but we all did at home: Just like Jaysus Christ!

That explains a lot about the hair and the beard.

Rogue's Gallery: Gabriel Byrne, Jared Leto, Colin Farrell

Today we introduce a new wc feature: Rogue's Gallery. It will be a structured exploration of the bad boys we love, however odd it may seem. In fact, the attraction must seem a bit odd, even contradictory, for them to qualify as a Rogue.

Here's an easy one to start:

Who: Gabriel Byrne

Why he's a rogue: made Bridget Fonda kill while crying in her underwear

Why we <heart>: charming brogue, Bryan Ferry hair, Excalibur, Little Women

*  *  * 

Okay, this one will challenge you a little:

Who: Jared Leto

Why he's a rogue: uh, general sleeziness?

Why we <heart>: inexplicably attractive eye makeup, in a band

*  *  *

We'll close with a classic:

Who: Colin Farrell
Why he's a rogue: Rehab, rebound, sex tape
Why we <heart>: stubble, accent, captivating personal perfume of whiskey and cigarettes

*  *  *

You get the idea. Got an idea? Send your submissions for future Rogue's Gallery posts to: wishboneclover AT gmail.com. Or you know, grow a pair and make a comment that everyone can see. And judge.