wishbone clover

Enroute to Lunch

Destination: An Indian restaurant in the Tenderloin

Fare: $11

Conversation Gold

On the subject of my destination:

"Larkin Street? No, you don't want to go there, unless you're picking up a tranny prostitute or a 20 rock. Or both, I don't know how you swing."

On the subject of New England life versus California:

"Snow is a novelty until someone hands you a shovel. I'm like 'Where the hell do you plug this thing in?'"

On the subject of Indian cuisine:

"Spicy food is the gift that keeps on giving. I just want a meal, not a legacy."

Enroute to Dinner

Destination: A fancy Japanese restaurant

Fare: $15

Driver: Want a stick of gum?

Me: Yes. I'm going on a date.

Driver: Here you go. Now you're all fresh and clean. You're going to nail it. It's up to his ass now.

Enroute to (not the) Mission

Driver: I love driving taxis.

Me: Why?

Driver: I meet 40 new people a night. 40 new friendships just the way I like 'em.

Me: How's that?

Driver: Superficial.

Enroute to Work

      

Destination: the office

Fare: $17

Conversation Gold

Driver: You see that woman over there? Under the tree? Wearing sunglasses?

Me: Yes.

Driver: You think she has magical powers?

Me: Huh?

Driver: You think she could look at us and flip over the cab, with her powers?

Me: Do you think she has magical powers and could flip over the cab?

Driver: (thinks for a while) Yes.

-----------

Driver: Sing me a song!

Me: No.

Driver: Sing me a song!

Me: Why?

Driver: Exchange. I drive you, you sing song.

Me: How about you drive me, I pay you?

Driver: I could have taken you other route. Other route $25. I use all of my bag of tricks, take you $17 route. YOU. SING. SONG.

Enroute to Sushi

Destination: Dinner

Fare: $16

Conversation gold

Driver: So, you work for the university?

Me: Yes.

Driver: How many people in your department?

Me: 350.

Driver: How many students in your school?

Me: About 3,000.

Driver: How many researchers?

Me: Not sure.

Driver: How many Nobel prize winners?

Me: Three, right now.

Driver: How many Jewssssss?

Me: Excuse me?

Driver: Sure seems like you have a lot of Jews.

Enroute to the Mission

Destination: Home, from Custom Burger

Fare: $17

Conversation Gold

(Note: all of driver's lines are spoken in an unlikely brogue.)

Driver: Didn't yer mother ever tell you how to make life easy? Take two aspirin and a shot of whiskey.

....

Me: Do you like being a driver?

Driver: No, lassie, I like to eat.

....

(Me, fumbling locked door)

Driver: Aye, Colleen, I've locked ya in so they wouldn't steal ya.

Enroute to Beijing Airport

Cabbie: You go to the Great Wall?
Me: Yes.
Cabbie: What part?
Me: Mu Tian Yu.
Cabbie: How much you pay?
Me: 700 yuan.
Cabbie: (cackles) Ha! That 400 yuan ride. What driver look like? Tall? Short? Hair? Speak English? I got to pat his back!

Enroute Home, Late

Destination: Home from work, about 9 pm on Wednesday night

Fare: $14

Conversation gold:

Driver: Late night. You an analyst?

Me: No, marketing

Driver: Analysts work a lot of hours, but they get paid for it.

Me: Oh yeah?

Driver: I had 23 year old the other night -- how old are you?

Me: A lot older than 23.

Driver: Okay, well that 23 year old works real late, but makes $120k a year.

Me: whimper

Enroute to Hair Salon from Work

Destination: The Mission from downtown during rush hour

Fare: $17

Conversation gold

Driver: I've been driving too long to drive fast.

Me: Oh yeah, how long is that?

Driver: A couple days.

crickets

more crickets

Driver (finally): Thirty-seven years.

Me: Wow, that's a long time.

Driver: It's all spacing and timing. Look at that fog. Rolling in like a shroud. A lot of years.

Enroute to Home from Alioto’s and Pier 45

Destination: Home after dinner at San Francisco institution (and delicious rip-off) Alioto's.

Fare: $19 (yes, Chief made me overtip again)

Conversation gold

Driver: They got 40 thousand people in the Pac Bell parking lot tonight. Some hip hop show.

Chief: No trouble there tonight.

Both laugh.

Chief: It's gonna end on time, everyone will be happy. Just like last year.

Driver: Just like last year.

Both laugh again. Harder.